The Benefits of Expressive Writing
by Raikun-sama
Summary: Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference between your lies and the truth. IzayaxShizuo, one-shot.


**Hey there... long time no see, haha.**

**So. I don't know what I was really doing with this thing. If I want to be objectively honest with myself, it's probably not really that good. Oh well. Here you go.**

* * *

Shizuo's first day as a high school student was one of the worst days of his life.

It was _not_ a bad day just because he was reunited with an annoying classmate from elementary school who still hadn't given up on collecting "samples" of Shizuo's DNA…

It was _not _a bad day just because he had discovered his less than perfect reputation had followed him from middle school…

It was _not _a bad day just because he had gotten into a fight with, well, the majority of Raira's rebellious upperclassmen…

It was _not_ a bad day just because Shizuo had gotten mocked and slashed with a knife by an even more annoying classmate.

No, what had made it a bad day was that Shizuo had noticed how sharp his classmate's eyes had glinted, how quickly his agile body had ducked, how effortlessly his blade had swiped over Shizuo's chest.

In that brief moment, Shizuo realized Orihara Izaya was someone that could truly hurt him. Someone that could, to some extent, control him. And as much as that knowledge enraged Shizuo to no end, deep, deep down inside of himself, the blond knew, as twisted and as wrong as the thought was, that Izaya was the kind of person he wanted at his side.

So Shizuo concealed his feelings, disguising them as anger and disgust when they surfaced. He understood Izaya was simply taunting him, but he took the bait all the same and played along, expressing his frustration with his fury. For as long as Shizuo kept taking the bait, Izaya would still be paying attention to him.

This hidden, unrequited desire continued to plaque Shizuo throughout his high school career, until one day…

* * *

"And because one of the local cram schools was destroyed by, er, unfortunate circumstances, cram school lessons will be now held in this classroom after regular school hours." The English teacher explained. "Please keep in mind you're going to be sharing your seat and desk with someone, so take good care of them." he added, shooting a stern look at several students in the back of the class.

"Oh, isn't that great, Shizuo?" Shinra whispered from behind the blond's seat. "This way, you don't have to feel bad about damaging that cram sch-"

"Shut up, will you?" Shizuo muttered, gritting his teeth. "It was that _flea_ who made me do it in the first place!" He grumbled, his pulse involuntarily speeding up at the mention of Izaya.

"Ah, I guess that is true… Izaya does get you in a lot of trouble, doesn't he? But it'll only last through high school, if it lasts that long, you know. He tends to be pretty whimsical…"

Shizuo chose not to reply. As if he needed reminding about that… All he was to Izaya was a pawn, a slightly amusing toy to play around with for a while and then discard. If he knew about Shizuo's feelings, Izaya's behavior would certainly become worst than it already was.

The blond massaged his brow wearily. Just the idea of Izaya discovering his feelings made him feel stressed.

"Is Izaya stressing you?" Shinra inquired brightly, startling his classmate with the disturbingly accurate query. "You know, if something's bothering you that bad, you could write down what you're feeling instead of ripping out trees and crippling buildings."

"…huh?"

"You could write down what you're feeling." Shinra repeated, smiling cheerfully.

"Write down… what I'm feeling?" Shizuo said disbelievingly, as emphasizing the words would help Shinra realize the notion's utter stupidity.

The bespectacled teenager nodded in confirmation. "I bet you could fill up several books on how much you hate Izaya! Writing's got to be better than turning to violence, right?"

"…or I could just keep on ripping out trees and crippling buildings." Shizuo muttered scornfully. As if he could simply switch off his outbursts of rage!

"Or you could do that too." Shinra agreed nonchalantly.

Shizuo huffed in reply and didn't give another thought to the writing suggestion until several days later. He was alone in the classroom during lunch period and was raging from fresh, unpleasant encounter with Izaya. Thoroughly hassled, the blond shuffled through his bag to find an extra notebook he had forgotten to leave at home.

Shizuo aimlessly flipped through the blank pages, thinking of Shinra's earlier advice and of the distressed emotions swirling inside of him. "Hmm…" He had never been a writer, had never truly enjoyed the activity, but it wasn't as if anyone was going to make fun of him for writing, right?

The teenager took out a pencil, glanced almost uneasily around him, and jotted down a quick sentence.

_The best way to end unwanted feelings like these is to not act upon them._

Shizuo was about to write more when Shinra stuck his head in the classroom doorway. "Shizuo! You coming for lunch?"

"A-ah, yeah…" He hastily shoved the notebook in his desk, not wanting Shinra to see what he had been doing. "I'm coming, just gimme a second."

After lunch, Shizuo had completely forgotten about the notebook.

* * *

He remembered it the next morning, when he spotted the edge of the spiral sticking out of his desk. Wondering nervously if it had been read by someone in the cram school class (he certainly hadn't left it in that position), Shizuo flipped the first page open. His eyes blinked in surprise to see a second sentence written in black ink.

_Are you sure that's the best way? (0 . 0)" seems to me like that's the worst way~~~ \(^0^)/_

Shizuo's eyebrow twitched as he scribbled back an irritated reply, feeling more annoyed at the mystery writer's emoticons than the invasion of his notebook.

_Then what is your best way? Be my guest, expert-san._

"Oh! Shizuo-kun? You're early, how rare…"

"O-oh, morning. Lately I've been getting more sleep since Izaya hasn't been sending any punks after me, so…" He quietly stowed the notebook back into his desk.

The next morning, he wasn't expecting a serious answer, if he had any answer at all. It was childish, Shizuo had to admit, and someone who attended cram school certainly wouldn't waste time with a sloppy, irate student like him.

* * *

But the next day…

_You're asking me advice? Haha, how flattering of you! You must really want to talk to me, ne~~~? (-^.^-) Well, I think the best way to end your feelings is to FACE them! CONFESS! \(__**O**__0__**O**__)/_

"…" Shizuo had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. This guy was unbelievable. (1) Almost reminded him of Shinra… thank goodness Shinra didn't attend cram school… Shizuo blinked again to see that he had already taken out his pencil to write again.

…_Why do you immediately jump to the conclusion that it's romantic feelings? And… Thanks for the advice, but that's not just possible in this case. _

Shizuo paused, wondering if he should add more. Wasn't he taking this a little too seriously? He had no way of knowing who this person even was, and vice versa! Then again… Shizuo tilted his head in thought. Maybe that was what made this safe…

_Anyway, do you use this desk when you attend cram school? Do you really have time to be doing this kind of stuff?_

It made Shizuo almost sound like a nagger… The blond's shoulders sank depressingly. But this person didn't know him anyway, so it wouldn't matter, right?

* * *

_Well of course it's romantic feelings, we're both high school students after all…_

_But why isn't it possible? (0 . 0) Now you're making me curious~~ Is it unrequited love? Forbidden? Homosexual?_

_Yup, I go to cram school, but I come a little earlier before the lesson starts anyway, so it's convenient for me. _

_What about you? Do your friends know you're keeping a journal conversation? ;)_

Ouch… he had to mention homosexual, didn't he? And was Shizuo really going to answer him? Shizuo wrote hesitantly.

_Unfortunately it's yes to all three. It also doesn't help that he's a sadistic bully with a huge ego that really doesn't need adding to. _

If anyone found out about this, Shizuo would be doomed for the rest of his physical lifespan.

_And no, I come to school earlier too._

* * *

Maybe the mystery writer wouldn't want to communicate with him once he found out Shizuo's crush was on another guy… the blond reflected as he made his way to school. After all, he had obviously written the homosexual part as a joke. Well, it wasn't like they were lifelong friends… just two faceless students who shared notes for three days.

Yet why was Shizuo feeling so apprehensive as he opened the notebook?

Fortunately, to his secret relief, Shizuo's sexual preferences didn't seem to bother the writer.

_Ooooh, I see now. But that's totally cool with me! I'm bi myself! (-^.^-)" I'm not really a M though, sorry about that…._

_No offense, but it seems like your crush __**sucks**__… _

Shizuo was _not_ a masochist! He was NOT! On the other hand, he did agree with the last sentence there… Shizuo picked up his pencil, his hand covered in scratches from fighting. Fighting with delinquents a certain _someone_ had sent after him.

_I am NOT a damn masochist! I HATE it when he bullies me! And none taken, I really do feel like killing the guy at times so I won't have to deal with him anymore!_

Hearing footsteps, Shizuo quickly tucked the notebook back into his desk and whipped out his textbooks, trying to appear casual.

A few seconds later, Shinra entered the classroom, nearly stumbling over himself in surprise when he saw Shizuo. "Wha –Shizuo? You came early even when Izaya got you messed up?"

"S-stop making a big deal about it! I just started to like coming here early in the morning, that's all!"

"I… see…"

* * *

The next day…

_But if you killed him, I bet you would secretly feel sad, wouldn't you~~ (^.^) It seems to me that your feelings are really bothering you though… maybe you should try to confess. I mean, if he has a heart, the worst he can do is reject you, right?_

Shizuo couldn't help uttering a groan of frustration at the irony of the situation. Of the many words to describe Izaya, "heartless" was certainly one of them.

_That jerk has no fucking heart whatsoever! If I so much gave him a HINT of what I felt, he'd be throwing it in my face in EVERY way imaginable! He'll post around the school and on the internet about what a fag I am, try to get guys to gang-rape me, send me homo-porn every holiday, anything to make me miserable! _

Still feeling a little moody over his vent, Shizuo sulked in a quiet rage the whole day. His bad mood was only worsened when a heartless jerk temporarily joined the archery club and decided it was a good idea to shoot arrows at Shizuo during lunch (Random people were also targeted.).

"WHAT THE FUCK, FLEA?" Shizuo shouted after having barely ducked out of the arrow's way, the entire schoolyard erupting into complete havoc.

"Just doing my job as a good citizen, Shizu-chan! Exterminating the _monsters_ from the world!" Izaya teased, yelling slightly to be heard amid the screams of the retreating crowd.

Seething with anger, Shizuo was about to snap when a sudden thought struck him. When the sun struck him a certain way, Izaya rather resembled a cupid, albeit a clothed and quite evil-looking one. And a really hot one. Which was fitting, since Shizuo, well, you know…

This train of thought eventually led to the blond snapping in a _different_ way…

"Hah. Haha. Hahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" Shizuo burst out into hysterical laughter while beating the ground beneath him with one fist, whether in mirth or madness, no one could really tell.

"SH-SHIZUO?" Shinra cried worryingly as he and Kadota watched from the safety of the school building.

"Are you all right?"

Even Izaya was a bit startled by this unanticipated behavior. "I don't think I hit him in the head, I was only aiming for his limbs…"

"Izaya, you're horrible!" Kadota shouted irritably, craning his neck to glare at the roof.

The black-haired mischief-maker shrugged nonchalantly before firing more arrows at Shizuo, which only resulted in more laughter from the blond, the concrete beginning to show slight cracks from his fist pounding

"…"

"…"

"…geez, congratulations, Izaya. You've finally driven Shizuo mad."

"Hmm. I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing…"

* * *

_Wow… it sounds like you're exaggerating, but you're really not, are you? Is he that bad? ( o . o )"_

…_and you say you're not an M~~ (-^o^-) _

_But if it's really that annoying, wanna tell me his name? ;) I can go and persuade him to go easy on you~~_

_HE IS THAT BAD. YOU. HAVE. __**NO**_ –Shizuo roughly underlined the word "NO" several times- _IDEA. AND I AM NOT A FUCKING MASOCHIST! It's probably just stupid hormones anyway!_

_And I appreciate the offer, but trust me. You wouldn't want to even talk to the jerk!_

* * *

It was only when he was walking home with Shinra and Kadota did Shizuo realize that the guy had actually offered to fight a guy (maybe he didn't write it but the meaning was there) for Heiwajima Shizuo. The corner of Shizuo's mouth curled. If only he knew who Shizuo really was…

"Pft!"

"Shizuo?"

"Ah, nothing really…"

"…are you going to have another episode like with the arrows yesterday?"

"…no."

"If you say so…"

"Y-yeah…" Shizuo fell silent again, wondering why the thought from earlier made him feel a little warm.

* * *

_If you say so~~ hormones can do things to your head. (^/^) And I don't know about that, I'm a pretty big jerk myself. I pluck out fish eyeballs and throw them in my younger sisters' hair. v(^0^)_

"…Seems like an angel compared to Izaya if you ask me…" Shizuo muttered to himself, picking up his pencil.

_Hah, as another older brother, I'm absolutely appalled. I bet your sisters don't enjoy that… Hope you don't eat fish often…_

"Fish eyeballs… I wonder how they taste like."

* * *

_Hmph, that just proves you don't have any younger sisters. You have NO idea how irritating they can be! (= =)"" And actually, fish meat is one of my favorite foods~! \(^0^)/ I particularly like ootoro~~_

_What about you?_

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. His favorite food was ootoro? That came as a little surprise. Given on how laidback the writer seemed, Shizuo assumed he would have a less expensive food preference.

_Well, I guess that all depends on how your personalities interact. _

_Your favorite food is ootoro? Wow, and here I was thinking your favorite food would be something like ramen… I guess mine would be pudding. Anything with milk in it, to be honest…_

After lunch that day, most of the class had returned to their seats when one of Shizuo's classmates burst into the door, his face a mixture of adrenaline and consternation. "E-everyone! You won't believe what just happened! Aragawa from class D was bullying Morimoto-kun, as always, when Orihara Izaya suddenly showed up and actually flicked Aragawa's forehead and told him to stop bullying people!"

The entire class gawked.

"WHAT?"

"EHHHHHHHH?"

"Are you for real?"

"Like that asshole is one to talk!"

"AAAH!" A large group of female students clasped their hands hopefully. "Th-this means, he really IS a good guy-"

"This means he either wants Morimoto to worship him or wants to rile Aragawa for his evil little plans." Shizuo remarked bluntly, promptly causing Izaya's fangirls to groan in disappointment.

"Shizuo-kun!"

"It _could _be something else-"

"Why do you _always_ have to look at it that way-"

"Look at my relationship with the flea, will you? Can you seriously see me looking at it any other way?"

"…not really…"

"Exactly." Shizuo said, turning his face to the window he was sitting next to. His mind wandered back to the mystery writer.

Asking Shizuo what his favorite food was… When was the last time anyone had asked him that? Now that he thought of it… not even Shinra or Kadota every asked things like that… Maybe this was what it felt like to have a normal relationship with people? Shizuo mused to himself.

* * *

_Anything with milk in it? I suppose your lactose intolerance hasn't kicked in yet then~? (-/-) By the way, it seems really late to ask something like this, but what IS your name? (o_o) I mean, I can't keep calling you "secret-unrequited-love-san" in my head all the time… \_(^-^)_/_

Shizuo stared at the passage thoughtfully. Funny, Shizuo had been thinking the same thing himself. He couldn't keep referring to the mystery writer as, well, the mystery writer all the time, right? But really… secret-unrequited-love-san?

…_.You actually think of me as secret-unrequited-love-san? Anyway, you can call me- _

Shizuo paused for several seconds.

-_Hyou. Since I like shaved ice. (2)_

It wasn't exactly the truth, but this way, there would be no way for the writer to connect Shizuo to his new alias… hopefully…

* * *

"Oi, oi, I think Shizuo-kun is right…" The same classmate announced wearily, as he made a less dramatic entrance into the classroom. "Orihara's now picking on all the other bullies on campus and now has all of their victims as new followers! I don't know if he wants all the nerds to help him on his exams or what but it _is_ really weird…"

Shizuo nodded his head in agreement. "See? Told you so…"

Izaya's fangirls sighed once more.

"Aawwwwwww… I guess you're right, Shizuo-kun…"

"Izaya-kun's rottenness is what makes part of Izaya-kun's hotness after all…"

"No one knows Izaya-kun better than Shizuo-kun does…"

Shizuo blinked, startled. "Y-you guys think I know Izaya the best?"

"Of course!"

"You're always with him!"

"They kind of have a point, Shizuo…" Shinra added.

"A-as if! _You're_ the one who's been with that guy from middle school!" The blond grumbled, trying to seem dismissive. "The only reason why I'm around him is because I'm fighting him! I'm much as a victim as those nerds are! I don't think anyone knows much about the flea save for himself!" That was right, all he was to Izaya was another plaything… another person to bully. Speaking of bullying…

"Hey, maybe the flea's trying to start a monopoly over the bullies or something, you know?"

"…that… actually sounds pretty frightening when you think about it…"

"…"

* * *

_Then it's Hyou-kun, right? I like it, even if it is just an alias. d(^_^) Then mine is Setsu! :D (3)_

"…I-isn't he aware that that's a GIRL's name?"

* * *

"Crap!" Shizuo hurried towards the school entrance, his bag swinging wildly. It was a Monday, and he had forgotten to set his morning alarm back on after the weekend. By no means was he going to be late for school, but if he didn't hurry up, he wouldn't have enough to time to privately write to Setsu.

It had already been a month since he and Setsu had started sending messages to each other. Shizuo now knew that Setsu had two younger sisters, twins, in fact, his blood type was O, his birthday was May fourth, and he liked to watch people as a hobby.

Shizuo was fond of their communication, and he knew why. Setsu didn't see him as Heiwajima Shizuo, perpetually blood-stained and unkempt from fighting and rages. Setsu just treated him as any other person, and Shizuo, unused to such treatment, was heartily accepting it. When talking with Setsu, he felt… at peace. Non-violent. Normal.

Which is why he was getting a bit obsessed with Setsu, something Shizuo should probably be concerned about, but-

"Well, well, well, so the rumors are true. The other time, I thought it was just a rare exception, but you're actually coming to school early everyday!"

Shizuo involuntarily screeched to a halt, his heart beating harder at the sound of Izaya's voice. The blond glanced up to see the said boy perched on the school wall, his black gakuran swaying slightly in the breeze. As much as Shizuo found it strange for Izaya to wear that thing, Izaya did look rather cool in it.

Shizuo glared venomously, not at Izaya, but at the gakuran. Damn thing. Why did it have to make Izaya look so cool? Why did he have to _think_ that Izaya looked so cool?

Fortunately for Shizuo, Izaya assumed the blond was actually glowering at him, not his clothing, and continued to talk. "Trying to not be kicked out of school because of tardiness, Shizu-chan? And here I thought protozoans were such unpunctual creatures… I suppose next you're going to not attack me here-" The black-haired student suddenly broke off his sentence, giving Shizuo a slightly puzzled look. "…hang on a second, you're actually not attacking me here."

The blond blinked, stopping his glaring. "Ah, no, I'm… I'm not."

Izaya scratched his head, the smirk gone from his face. "Wow, I think it's the first time Shizu-chan's ever gone a whole minute without lunging at me…"

"W-WAIT, I WASTED A WHOLE MINUTE TALKING TO YOU HERE!?" When he could be spending that precious minute writing to Setsu? "GAH, I GOTTA GO!" Shizuo hastily resumed his running.

Unfortunately for Shizuo, a curious Izaya followed after him. "But this doesn't make sense! What happened to you, Shizu-chan? Are you actually starting to grow a brain?"

"Beat it, flea!" Shizuo shouted as he ran through the school corridors. "Don't you have anything better to do?" How the heck could Izaya keep up with Shizuo's speed? It wasn't fair!

"But Shizu-chan, you're really not acting like yourself! Even though you've always been unpredictable, this is-"

"It's my senior year! I have better things to do than fighting with you!" Shizuo growled, trying to run faster.

Behind him, Izaya pouted, obviously not used to hearing such things. "What's gotten into you, Shizu-chan?" He grabbed Shizuo's arm, forcing the both of them to halt with another screech. "Did Shinra do something-"

Shizuo silently cursed as his body went rigid at Izaya's touch. "L-Leave me alone!" He yelled, violently jerking his arm away, hoping the flush on his face would be attributed to anger. "DON'T YOU TOUCH ME, YOU BAS-"

"He-Heiwajima-kun, may I ask why you're yelling so early in the morning?" An approaching teacher asked in a nervous but firm tone.

"Ah-" Izaya was about to say something, but Shizuo cut him off. "It's Izaya's fault, Sensei! He won't even let me come to school peacefully and I HATE him!" The blond then dashed to his classroom.

The teacher stared in disbelief after Shizuo's retreating form before turning sternly to Izaya. "Orihara-kun, were you shooting arrows at him again?"

"_Me_? Shooting _arrows_? At another _student_? Of course not, Sensei!"

* * *

_Ne, Hyou-kun, let's drop the honorifics. (^0^) We've been writing to each other for a month already, haven't we? :D_

Shizuo began to write.

_Okay-_

BAM! "SH-SHIZUO-KUN, ARE YOU OKAY?" Shinra shouted in a panicked tone, slamming the classroom door open loudly. "I heard Izaya made you cry-"

"Wh-what the hell, Shinra?" Shizuo yelled back, startled for the second time that morning. "C-calm down, I'm fi-WAIT, YOU HEARD IZAYA MADE ME CRY?"

"Y-yeah, Izaya actually sounded _bad_ about it- what are you writing?"

"NOTHING! THAT FUCKER! HE DID NOT MAKE ME CRY, DAMN IT!"

"…now that you've mentioned it, he actually said he made you cry like a girl with post-men-"

"I'LL KILL HIM!"

* * *

_Eh, why such a short reply, Hyou? (o . o)" I know you're not as wordy as me, but still! Oh, I bet you slept in this morning, didn't you? Hmm? Hmm? Hmmm? /_(-0-) Or were you shocked by my forward request? ;D_

Shizuo rolled his eyes as he read Setsu's reply while shoving a tissue up his bleeding nose. Izaya had decided it was a good idea to annoy him again, this time with a cart of basketballs. And while Shizuo's pain tolerance was higher than others, a basketball to the face wasn't his cup of tea. At least he had gone earlier in anticipation of trouble.

_Sorry about that, my crush/tormentor thought it would be good to annoy me in the morning so I ended up coming later to class. He did it again today too… hopefully this won't be a pattern, I'm not my most sharpest in the morning, haha…_

The classroom door swung open. "Oh, hi, Shizuo!" Shinra chirped happily, pausing when he saw Shizuo's face. "Ouch, what happened?"

"Izaya."

"Ah, I see. Glad things are back to normal…"

* * *

_Um… Hyou… I may be totally misinterpreting this... maybe you got a paper cut, or maybe you were eating something with ketchup, maybe I might be an overreacting idiot… but… there's this drop on the paper that wasn't there before, and it looks a lot like blood... ( o_o )""" Hyou, just how bad is your sadistic crush treating you? You're making me worried! ( T_T )""_

"…Oh, that must have been from my nosebleed…" Shizuo muttered to himself.

_It's fine, I just had a little nosebleed. He's not that violent to me… yet, I guess. Sorry to make you worry, Setsu._

Shizuo smiled. It was kind of funny when he compared Shinra's impassive reaction to Setsu's panicked one. Setsu almost sounded… flustered. Kinda cute.

* * *

The next morning, Shizuo pulled out the notebook… along with a box of band-aids. "…huh?" The blond hesitantly picked up the box before flipping open the notebook.

_Oh, I understand. What a relief~~ \(^0^)/ Still, Hyou must have it rough, huh? Well, my crush isn't exactly the gentlest person in the world either! (;_;) Take this, seems like you'll need it! (^_0)b _

"…" Shizuo glanced at the box reflectively. Giving Shizuo bandaids… it almost reminded him of the time when that lady gave him milk… Shizuo shook his head hastily, as if the action could literally shake the memory off his mind.

Anyhow, Shizuo was certain Setsu's crush was not as violent as Izaya. Knowing Setsu's happy-go-luck/goofy personality, he probably liked a girl who gave him the occasional teasing whack on the head for any stupid or perverted comments.

Shizuo slowly opened the box, as if opening a Christmas present. It really would be nice if Izaya was more like Setsu…

_Hey Setsu, how do you think you would treat your crush?_

* * *

"Shizuo, you don't have a crush on someone, do you?"

It was during lunch when he was eating with Shinra and Kadota. "Wh-what?" Shizuo stuttered, his food slipping from his chopsticks.

Kadota shrugged. "Just wondering. You seemed to be acting… less… violent, lately."

"Really?" Shizuo scratched his head sheepishly. "Well… it is our last year as high school students after all. I guess I'm unconsciously trying to shape up…"

Shinra grinned slyly as he rummaged in his bag. "Are you sure you're not trying for a certain _someone's_ sake- eh? What's this doing here?" The bespectacled boy pulled out a strip of paper. "Ah, now I remember. I've got to give this to Izaya later…"

"Hmm? What's that?"

"Oh, just a coupon for Russian Sushi. Thought I'd give it to Izaya since he likes-"

"Wait, Shinra." Shizuo spoke up, a sudden idea popping up in his mind. "That place sells otooro, right?"

Shinra blinked. "Eh? It does, why?"

"Um…. Just asking…"

Later on, though, he ended up threatening Shinra to give the coupon to him or Shizuo would tell Celty about Shinra's secret photo collection, and put it in the notebook when writing back to Setsu the following day. The blond had never known how easy blackmailing was.

* * *

_I admit I do like teasing my crush a lot, but I really would like to… well, if I did have them, I think I'd actually turn a little obsessive. I'd get worried if they go out alone, I'd get worried if they'd be out in the rain, I'd get worried if they'd get bullied. Gah, why am I writing this to Hyou? NOOO! It's really embarrassing! Look what Hyou did to me!_

_AND KYAAAAAAAAAAA! Hyou actually got this for me? \(*A*)/ You're too cute! I'd hug you if I could! Look out world, cause I'm totally back one hundred percent thanks to my amazing Hyou! \(^o^)/ if only my crush was as gentle as you~~!_

"…me too…" Shizuo agreed out loud, thinking miserably of Izaya. Lately, whenever he thought of Setsu, he found himself thinking of Izaya, too. The effect was not pleasant.

He glanced at the message again and blushed slightly. Setsu actually called Shizuo "cute"… He hadn't been called cute since he entered kindergarten! If only this guy knew who "Hyou" really was…

* * *

"Hey guys, is it just me, or is Izaya in an unusually good mood today?"

"…" BAM! "WHO CARES ABOUT THAT GUY ALREADY?"

* * *

"Hey, Shizu-chan, where are you going~?"

It was after school. Not many students and teachers were around.

Shizuo clenched his jaw but kept walking. "…Get the fuck away, flea…" He muttered in his warning tone. Not that Izaya would actually heed any of Shizuo's warnings…

"Oh, don't give me that cold shoulder now~!" Izaya called, skipping after him. "And here I am personally concerned for Shizu-chan!"

Quickening his pace, the blond snorted in disbelief. "Yeah right, and I'm Sebastian Michaels from Kuroshitsuji! Leave me ALONE, Izaya! I'm not in the mood for this- WHOA!" Shizuo nearly lost his balance when Izaya unexpectedly darted in front of him, cutting off the blond's path.

"Come now, Shizu-chan, I'm serious here." Izaya slid his hands in his pockets, leaning into Shizuo's vision. "You haven't been doing _anything_ like your monstrous self. Not picking fights? Not causing a ruckus? Not destroying a shopping complex every once in a while? What happened to you, Shizu-chan?" The black-haired student smiled, his red eyes cold and calculating. "I have to admit that it's making me a little annoyed… Don't tell me you're actually trying to be a _good_ boy? Get real, Shizu-chan. Monster can't change."

Shizuo glared back at the red irises, already feeling tension rise from his body. He knew this approach of Izaya's. It was a rare occurrence, something he only did when he wanted Shizuo to snap. _Completely_.

It had never failed to rile Shizuo into anger, anger both at Izaya and at his own feelings, and soon, very soon, Shizuo would ignore all reason and throw a punch at the smirking face, soon, everything would be under a bloody screen and things would be smashed. Because Shizuo was a…

"Oi, Shizu-chan, what's taking you so long?"

"…"

"…"

"…I…" Indeed, what was taking Shizuo so long? He should be flying his fist at Izaya by now.

"…I…"

Izaya blinked, the gesture betraying a hint of surprise.

"…I…" Shizuo clenched his hand tighter, feeling sweat on his skin. "…I…"

"What, are you constipated or something?" Izaya snapped, almost irritated.

_If only my crush was as gentle as Hyou-kun!_

Gentle… gentle… "I…" Shizuo lifted his head (he hadn't realized he lowered it) and met Izaya's eyes once again. "I… I don't want to fight anymore." He ended up saying, taking even himself by surprise.

"…"

"…"

After several shocked seconds, Izaya struggled to repair the atmosphere. "…Are you _that_ scared of being held back a yea-"

"I don't want to fight with you anymore, Izaya!" Shizuo interrupted fiercely, feeling a sudden, unexplainable burst of energy within himself. "I don't want to fight with anyone anymore! Not just until high school graduation! Until I die! I know that's impossible, but from now on, I'll do my best! So, I won't be your monster and your entertainment and your pawn and I'm not sorry! Not one bit! And I… w-well… and that's all!" He managed to finish, turning away from Izaya, his original destination forgotten.

Despite the ecstatic feeling of freedom building up in his chest as he ran away, Shizuo was already expecting retaliation. He was expecting Izaya to rile him again, send gangs after him, or frame him for a crime.

What he was not expecting, though, was for Izaya to grab the back of his shirt and throw him into an empty classroom.

"WHA-WHOA!" Shizuo blurted out before hastily catching his footing on the wooden floor. He whipped his head up to face Izaya, who had stepped in the classroom after Shizuo and was closing the door behind him. The minute their gazes clashed, however, Shizuo immediately regretted it.

Izaya did not look arrogant, triumphant, or even annoyed. He looked… angry. Extremely angry. Furious. An expression Shizuo never would have thought to see Izaya wear.

And it only took Shizuo a few seconds to realize that he kind of liked Izaya looking angry. A lot. He quickly cleared his throat, trying to ignore his accelerating heart rate. "D-Did you just fucking _throw_ me, flea? Where the hell did you get that strength from?"

Much to Shizuo's uneasiness, Izaya did not respond and started walking towards the blond.

"…Uh… I-I mean, that's… that's really out of place, you know?" Shizuo remarked feebly, unintentionally taking a step back. "U-unless you took some serious drugs from Shinra, a-actually I wouldn't put it past y-"

BAM! Izaya's hand suddenly slammed against the wall Shizuo had backed into, cornering the blond.

"…I-Izaya…" Shizuo tried again, feeling himself shrink a little. "Wh-why are you so… d-damn it, flea, wh-what the hell is up with you?"

"Me?" Izaya actually hissed, Shizuo inwardly flinching at his tone. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Wh-whoa, since when have you been the one to get ma-" It was Izaya's turn to interrupt. Except he did it in a different way. By blocking Shizuo's mouth. With his own mouth. Which meant… he was kissing Shizuo. On the mouth.

Oh. Hm. …Wait a minute…

"…MRRRRRMMMMMMMMM!" Panicking, Shizuo forcefully ripped his mouth from Izaya's, breathing heavily. "WH-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Izaya glared at him, also panting slightly. "I'm going to screw you over. Because I'm pissed right now."

"You're what-agh!" The blond yelped as Izaya leaned over to bite Shizuo's neck. "Y-you're crazy!" But even as he protested, part of Shizuo didn't want to resist. After all, this was what Shizuo wanted, right? What he had always wanted… Right? Setsu would agree… Wait, why was he thinking about Setsu at a time like this? Izaya was actually… Shizuo winced when Izaya suddenly pushed him roughly against the wall. "I-Iza-"

_I admit I do like teasing my crush a lot, but I really would like to… well, if I did have them, I think I'd actually turn a little obsessive. I'd get worried if they go out alone, I'd get worried if they'd be out in the rain, I'd get worried if they'd get bullied. Gah, why am I writing this to Hyou? NOOO! It's really embarrassing! Look what Hyou did to me!_

Setsu… Setsu was different from Izaya… Setsu was…

At that moment, Shizuo's senses conveniently kicked backed in, and he somehow managed to kick Izaya away before he unbuttoned Shizuo's shirt. "D-DON'T DO THAT!"

"Oof!"

Shizuo immediately scrambled up, shaking slightly. "Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you! BASTARD! FUCKER! D-DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH?" At this point, Shizuo didn't even know what he was saying anymore. "I HATE YOU, ORIHARA IZAYA! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! I HOPE ONE DAY YOU'LL GET STABBED RANDOMLY IN THE STREET! GOODBYE!"

With that, the blond took off, running faster than he ever did in his entire life, his legs threatening to give out every second.

Only when he was miles away from school did Shizuo pause, panting heavily and feeling like he would vomit any minute. Was everything that just happened actually real? Did Izaya just kiss him? Did Shizuo just reject him? He could still taste Izaya in his mouth. Groaning, the blond sank to his knees, his hands buried in his hair, voicing the question searing in his mind. "Why… why… why did I reject him? He's… he's been my unrequited love for three years."

* * *

If it weren't for Setsu, Shizuo would definitely have not gone to school the next day. But he couldn't miss writing to Setsu, not now, when Shizuo realized how he was feeling.

_Today… really sucked. (T T)"" I had a feeling my crush was liking someone else and I actually got mad. I didn't even know I could GET that mad! (= =)"" I feel like I don't know myself anymore~~~ Hyou, save me!_

"…I guess that makes two of us." Shizuo took out his pencil. "Man, with those faces, I can't tell whether he's serious or not…" He put his pencil to the paper. "…"

_Hey Setsu… _

I like you. Or maybe I don't. I like the idea of you. I like the person that you portray. I know it'll never work out. Shizuo sighed and started to write.

_Hey Setsu… soon cram school will be over, right? My teacher announced a few days ago the new building will be opening a week from now. Let's meet each other on the second-to-last day before you move locations._

* * *

_Good idea, Hyou. Whenever people decide to meet on the last day, something always comes up. =) After cram school's over, I'll come up to school rooftop, okay?_

* * *

Shizuo… couldn't do it. It was ten-thirty pm, and he was standing in his empty classroom. By now, Setsu was probably waiting at the school rooftop, but Shizuo couldn't bring himself go up there. He couldn't bring himself to destroy the illusion they both created. It was selfish and cowardly of him to stand Setsu up, but Shizuo was too much of a coward. He would take the notebook away and that would be the end of Hyou and Setsu. Proper goodbyes would be too hard. Right now, he needed to hurry before Setsu would come back to the classroom.

Shizuo started walking towards his desk when, to his horror, he heard footsteps. Someone was coming from upstairs. And from the sound of it, they were coming to the classroom.

Shizuo hastily analyzed the classroom, promptly gave up on the idea of hiding, sat at a different desk, and pretended to sleep, hoping desperately whoever came down would either not notice or ignore him.

Unfortunately, things usually don't work out that way.

"…Shizu-chan?"

It took all of Shizuo's self-control not to scream.

"…_What_ are you doing here?"

"…" Shizuo tried to make his breathing as even as possible

"…Shizu-chan, I can tell you're not sleeping…"

"…"

"…"

"OI!"

"MY DESK!" Shizuo yelled angrily, jerking his head up to glare at Izaya. "I SLEEP THE BEST WHEN I'M SLEEPIG AT MY DESK! I COULDN'T SLEEP WELL TONIGHT S-SO I WENT TO SLEEP AT MY DESK!"

Izaya didn't even laugh in mockery, instead, raising a rather tired eyebrow. "…and you couldn't sleep well because?"

"O-oh, I don't know, maybe because a certain someone tried to RAPE me!"

"…I wasn't going to rape you."

"Like hell you weren't!"

"Fine!" Izaya snapped, turning briskly away. "Gah, what am I doing, wasting my time with a protozoan like you…" He stalked towards the other end of the classroom.

Trying to ignore Izaya's jab, Shizuo once again rested his head in his arms, wishing Izaya would leave soon so he could take the notebook.

Instead the swinging of a book bag, however, he heard the scrapings of a chair being pulled back. Was Izaya sitting down? Shizuo raised his head once again, wanting to demand Izaya to leave him in peace when-

He saw Izaya sitting in a certain desk, pulling out a certain notebook.

"…"

No. No. Oh no no no no . It was not what it looked like. It wasn't. There was just no way. No. No no no no no no no no no no no-

"…hey… Izaya…"

"Hm?" Izaya was concentrating on writing something, not noticing Shizuo's horrified expression.

"You… attend cram school?"

"Yeah."

"…and… you sit in… that… that seat?" Shizuo said slowly, every word taking an effort to speak.

"Yeah."

"S-since when?"

"Since cram school started here."

"R…really?"

"Yeah."

"…L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"

Izaya blinked, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. "Sh-Shizu-chan?"

"Y-you're lying…" Shizuo repeated shakily, raising an unsteady finger at Izaya. "Y-you… th-that… that's… that's gotta be… no… there's some other explanation-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Izaya began, his voice uncharacteristically irritable. "What does it matter to you if I sit in this des…" He broke off as equally horrified realization slowly dawned on his face.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence until Izaya's pencil clattered to the ground, the boy having dropped it in shock.

"…oh…"

"…oh."

"…"

"Shizu-"

"N-no!"

"Wha… you didn't even hear the rest of my sentence!"

"Because I already knew what you were going to say!" Shizuo screeched, his hands fisted in his hair as he jerked his gaze to the ground. "Just… no!" Izaya could not be him. Izaya could not be Setsu. No. Just no. No no no no no no no…

But… if… it was true… then that meant… Shizuo blinked. Hang on… Setsu said he was bi… and that his crush was violent… and… As soon as the thought popped into his mind, it slipped from his mouth. "Izaya," Shizuo began, lifting his head slowly, "you don't like me, do you?"

Izaya's mouth dropped open again. "Wha-"

"…a-ah..." Immediately, Shizuo clapped a hand over his mouth, cursing his impulsiveness. What on earth was he thinking? "N-never mind! I- J-just let me kill you, flea!"

"I-I… wait, WHAT, Shizu-chan?"

"Let me kill you!" Shizuo repeated in a rather crazed manner, digging his fingers into a nearby desk. "Th-that way, I can just go on life and pretend that none of this happened! So right now…" Even though his hands were shaking, the blond swung the desk up easily. "STAY STILL!" A split second later, the desk went hurtling straight at Izaya's head.

_CRASH!_

"WHAT-" The black-haired teen barely jumped out of the way, his eyes wide in shock and consternation. "Y-you crazy- stop it! Th-this is not the way we should go about this-"

"WE ARE ENEMIES!" Shizuo screamed, scooping up another desk. "THERE IS NO OTHER WAY WE CAN GO ABOUT THIS! NOW DIE BECAUSE IT'S CONVENIENT FOR ME!"

Haggardly running a hand through his hair, Izaya looked on the verge of snapping in frustration. "Y-you… Are you even listening to what you are saying!?"

"OF COURSE NOT! Now die-" Shizuo's shouting was suddenly cut off in surprise when Izaya stepped forward and grabbed his shirt. Because Izaya would usually step backward, not forward. And Shizuo would usually grab Izaya's shirt in rage, not the other way.

Huh. Things seemed really backwards today. Especially since Izaya was coming forward to kiss him- WAIT WHA-

"HOLY SHIT!" Shizuo yelped, pulling away slapping Izaya across the face. In a very manly way. "What do you think you're doing, you fucker!"

"Ouch! Th-the hell…" Izaya growled, rubbing at his reddening cheek with the hand that wasn't still gripping Shizuo's shirt. "I was going to kiss you. It usually works to shut the uke up and resolve any conflict or drama."

"We-well, I don't know if you've realized it, flea, but we're NOT in a stupid fucking drama!" Shizuo snapped, his face flaring. "Besides, you said you were going to screw me just because you were pissed! I'm just a tool to take out your frustration on!"

"You idiot! That was a lie!" Izaya snapped back, glaring at Shizuo. "I just said that because I never tell the truth!"

"What kind of shitty reason is that? You don't make any sense!"

"Like you do!"

The two stood silent for a while, both heaving slightly from yelling as they glared into each other's eyes.

Shizuo closed his eyes wearily. "Izaya… if you never tell the truth, then was the whole 'Setsu' thing a lie too?"

"…are you trying to act like a victim?" Izaya muttered, shifting his gaze. "As 'Hyou', you didn't act as yourself."

The blond opened his eyes. "…actually… I think as 'Hyou', I was closer to being myself than at any other time I was around you. That… was probably the point of writing to 'Setsu'." The blond confessed honestly. "And… for a while, I thought Setsu… was the same as me." He looked at Izaya. "Is… that true or not?"

Izaya stared at him blankly for several seconds, as if Shizuo had spoke in a foreign language other than Russian. "…that's… that's…" His grip on Shizuo's shirt loosened slightly, then completely slackened. "…it's… it's not false." Izaya mumbled softly, averting his eyes again.

Shizuo blinked at the flea's unexpected behavior. "Wait, Izaya… do… do you actually…?"

Izaya looked at Shizuo, then to the side of Shizuo, then to Shizuo again. "…yeah." He admitted, trying to sound casual with a flush now clearly visible on his cheeks.

And somehow, with that one word, both were suddenly able to spill their guts to each other.

"I like you too."

"I know."

"I started liking you right after you slashed my chest. I think it was because you were stronger than me."

"I started liking you when I saw you demolishing the soccer goal. I think it was because I could tell you didn't like that kind of violence"

"I'm not a masochist."

"I'm kind of a sadist."

"That time when you were trying to hit me with arrows… I started laughing like a maniac because I thought you looked cool with a bow and it was so out of whack with the situation…"

"At first I thought I provoked you like that because you were invincible and it was fun to see you angry…"

"I did really get angry … but at the same time I was happy because you were paying attention to me."

"Yeah. I just wanted to get your attention too."

"I first started writing because I wanted to get rid of my feelings."

"I wrote back because I thought what I felt was one-sided too."

"I started to become obsessed with our conversations, that's why I came early to school."

"I started to crack down on all the bullies because I thought Hyou was getting picked on by one of them. And I was really worried when I saw that bloodstain. And it was really me who was doing everything."

"I was really happy when you gave me the bandaids. I think I was probably jealous of your crush at one point."

"When you said you didn't want to fight me anymore, I got really angry because I thought you really had found someone you liked."

"I thought I finally found someone I liked more than you, but it turns out I only fell for a different side of you."

"Did you really think I looked cool with a bow?"

"Yeah. I think you look cool with your gakuran too. And when you're angry."

"I'm sorry for that. Did I hurt you?"

"Nah. You just screwed my emotions over."

"I wasn't going to rape you. I probably would have just molested you a little."

"I wasn't going to kill you. I probably would have just maimed you a little."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Go ahead." Shizuo muttered, seeing Izaya's eyes light up in response.

The boy promptly reached out, cupping Shizuo's face.

"…"

"…"

"…are you gong to do anything or not?" Shizuo asked dryly, his eyebrow twitching.

"Shut up! I'm trying to make this feel different than the time when I was going to rape you!"

"What the hell? So you WERE going to rape me, you-MMF!"

In the end, their second kiss wasn't really different from the first.

This time, however, Shizuo didn't pull away.

* * *

**What... was this? AHAHAHAHAHA- I don't know... (= =)"**

**Explanations for things that may not make sense...**

**1) In Japanese, there are multiple ways to refer to oneself. Some are usually only used by males, such as "boku" and "ore". Izaya and Shizuo usually use "ore" when referring to themselves, which is why Shizuo assumes Setsu is a guy. I know Izaya also uses "watashi", but I felt this story would be easier for me if Shizuo knew Setsu was a male.**

**2) The Japanese character for ice, 氷、which is used to spell shave ice、****かき氷**, can be read as "Hyou". I know Shizuo would probably prefer ice cream over shave ice, but I just couldn't bring myself to make his alias "Aisu".

**3) 折、the character read as "ori" of "orihara", can also be read as "setsu". The kanji for snow, 雪、can also be read as "setsu", so Izaya's excuse for using "setsu" was because snow and ice go together, get it, get it? aaah... personally I think it's too simple for someone like Izaya, but he's already so OOC in this story that I don't think it really matters anymore.**

**I know I might have made some mistakes so if I did, feel free to point it out. X) **

**And why did I even PUT those things there when this story was originally written in English, not Japanese? Simple. I've been reading way too much manga. Here I would severely criticize myself for this but there's already enough people in this world to do that so I'm not gonna waste anymore of my energy. :3**


End file.
